revision the paper based on the instructor’s feedback

by

Humanities

I want you to revise and edit my paper based on the feedback of my instructor.

The feedback are :

– Your introduction needs to clearly discuss the debate/ research that you have discovered about your issue. Right now, it reads more like an argumentative essay. Your thesis statement should clearly reference that these are the four areas that your research discusses. At the end of your discussion on each issue, put your sources in conversation with one another. I am not seeing your synthesis here.

-When you first use a source in your paper, you want to clearly cite it by stating the full name of the author/s and the full title of the article/s. Your evidence seems appropriate for this assignment; however, you neglect to reference where you are getting your information from throughout your paper.

-Each of your topic sentences should clearly refer back to the research that you have conducted and relate to your thesis statement. Some paragraphs do not seem to fit for your overall argument and flow. Reorganizing your work by topics that go in order will make it easier to understand. Your conclusion should clearly indicate that this is what your research has shown. Your suggestions for further research are fair.

-More in-text citations are needed throughout your essay, since you have included none in this draft. Be careful here as this could constitute plagiarism. Stylistic issues were noted in text, particularly in relation to awkward phrasing and punctuation. Review MLA 8 for properly formatting your articles.

– One of the biggest takeaways for your revision is to clearly reference where you are getting your information from. Make sure that you are always going back to the research and reporting on what your sources have to say about the research. Follow the guidelines set out in our conference in order to help you better organize your work. Major changes in the structure of your essay are necessary for your revisions. Make sure that you are synthesizing your sources after each topic is complete. How do they relate? Do they agree? Disagree? What is their methodological approach? Are they credible? Biased? etc.


** I will attach 2 files :

1- the file of the original assignment( paper).

2- the more specific feedback of my instructor.